My staff has been bugging me to make Paella for many months now. After checking my Swiss bank account for funds, I guess Whole Foods is my only option. Again, thanks Cleveland for some non-fresh seafood.

Here fishy fishy fishy

So in thinking about paella again, I started to look for inspiration…inspiration from TV. Yes, the same place that brought us Pam Anderson’s boobs to Snookie’s face plant. Fist pump for dumb.

Back to cooking-

And what other TV Chef has been shoved down our gullets like Fonterra Grill’s very own Chef Rick Bayless. Top Chef Master, Salsa inventor, basically everything to do with south of our border. Nice niche market you got there Slick Rick.

Slick Rick Bayless


As my friend Bourdain puts it, “But wait, there’s more…” Lets play a game called “Did you know?”

#1 Did you know: Chef Bayless started his career at Lopez in Cleveland? So why does everyone think some FoodNetwork exec found him slinging burgers at Mexician strip club? Caliente!

#2 Did you know: Chef Bayless was born in Oklahoma? So why the hell does everyone think he was found wrapped in a tortilla shell on the steps of the Mexician Church of the Immaculate Conception!?!?!? Amen.

#3 Did you know: Chef Bayless is always smiling? What for? Is he really hiding his bad gas? Refried beans?

Bayless-stop smiling so much!

Regardless of where he was born, how he got his start, and his gas, I like the guy. He seems easy going and I need more happy people around.

Plus, he’s seems more in command of staff than that egotistical prick Chiarello.

Mr. Prick, Mr. French, Mr. Way too happy

Which brings me back to my paella. Is it completely necessary to have a paella pan to make paella?

My thoughts #1: In a normal kitchen, it is hard to find a burner with such wideflame to cook evenly the paella.

I'd like a slight sear please...

My thoughts #2: You can easily get your “crust” of rice via other methods.

Paella with the Skeedouche family

My thoughts #3: Can I build my very own hillbilly paella pan utilizing these blue prints I found online at the . Maybe I need more inbread chefs in the kitchen to pull this off. Thoughts?

Purdy cute y'all

Well, maybe not. I’ll just make it like I did last time in the dutch oven….huh huh huh…I said dutch oven.

Paella at QuarryLaneFarms

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