So we were slumming downtown yesterday and we happened to check out Food Network’s open casting call for “The Next Food Network Star Season 7“.  

TNFNS

**For those that don’t know, this show has produced such winners as……  

Winner Season-1: Dan Smith & Steve McDonagh filmed a show called “Party Line with The Hearty Boys”. Now lost in the abyss of the don’t want to watch again programs.  

Winner Season-2: Guy Fieri filmed several shows including “Guy’s Big Bite” and “Diner’s Drive-Ins & Dives”. Despite being kinda doucheee – still going strong. Secretly we kinda like the show. Dammit.  

Winner Season-3: Amy Finley – Who?  

Winner Season-4: Aaron McCargo – I refuse to call another man Big Daddy.  

Winner Season-5: Melissa d’Arabian – Is she from Europe? What’s with her teeth?  

Winner Season-6: Aarti Sequeira – Food blogger who won!??!!? Nice work Aarti.  

Now that you know all the winners from Season one thru six…ahem. This brings us to season-7 for 2011.  

After being sent down to the bowels aka the conference room, no signs, we found no nothing proclaiming “Food Network Rulz” or “Foodies Unite”. I consider this a #fail on Food Networks part as they should at least put up a sign.  

Casting call for Food Network's The Next Food Network Star

After checking in at a small table, most of the applicants are seated in a conference room. Oddly enough, the room was somber – almost funeral like if you ask me. How I see it? If you’re gonna be on TV, you should AT LEAST be bubbly and outgoing. Sadly, people here were more concerned with being serious. C’mon people!  

Sterile like an OR - Blah

A dozen candidates paced the halls with fevered steps. Rehearsing lines from their canned cooking shows at home. Few people bought large trashy colorful bags full of homemade food to bribe the judges. Some people just chose to lazyboy-recliner it in the hallway.  

Nervous pacing in the halls

The guy on the floor was the most calm candidate of the bunch. And for his neck’s sake, I think he should invest in a headset/bluetooth.  

Two Indian gals who thought WE were Food Network Execs asked us a 2 part 5 minute question…I was happy to inform her that I couldn’t help her and her punjabi would have to ask this gal.  

Food Network table and expiditer

She was the one coordinating the candidates through the 3 minute interview process…ie she would call your number, then follow it with a butchering of every candidates name. Her tats and badassery aura gave off hints of “Don’t-mess-with-me-cause-you-ain’t-gonna-be-on-TV”. Side note: I don’t think she was very happy.  

And check out the Guy Firei wanna be waiting his turn. With his mousse spikey hair, fake tan and his psuedo bling, he was a sure in…for Jersey Shore-Douche edition.  

This was the next bunch in line for their “interview”. One of them couldn’t stop talking about peeing and using the bathroom.  

Bathroom talk does not go well on Food Network

Yep, she has more of a chance on Lifetime than Food Network.  

More candidates as they wait their turn for 180 seconds with Food Network casting crews.  

Dude with the tie-I hate to tell you, but your FauxHawk hairdoo, man boobs, and your tennis shoes will not get you laid.  

Dude with the hat-Drama called. Stop messing up his look. Bonus points for matching your hat with your shirt. Extra douchy.  

Is this the future of Food Network?

BTW-Did you know you can just submit your stuff all online? Click here for details.  

Don’t expect much as this is produced by Bobby Flay (sellout with his man boobies)  

Flay's Man Boobies

and Marc Summers.  

I'll take the physical challenge!

**So once you apply, wait 3 hours, go through your 3 minute interview….producers from the show will call you within 24-hours to advise if you have made it to the next round. Sheeeeesh.  

So, here’s our few tips (if you are gonna apply for Food Network The Next Food Network Star):  

1. Don’t be a douche. We have enough of those on TV already.  

2. Don’t try to dress like Guy Firei.  

3. If you swear (like most people in the kitchens do), you can’t be on Food Network.  

4. Be yourself. Don’t prep. You either got it-or don’t.  

5. Submit online and save 3 hours of your life.  

Ahhhhh, who doesn’t love TV!????!? 

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms… 

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