Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse (thought it was “Grille”) in Beachwood has been around for years. The old school, stuffy interior, with wait staff in pseudo lab coats make it feel like it’s a butchery shop in motion. Very cool…for the 80s.

Now to us…We’ve had too many business meetings there to count…and now, I’ve finally had enough of the bad food that people pay A LOT of money. This kind of shenanigans has to change because the Cleveland food scene cannot continue to tow a mediocre steakhouse.

As always, the staff has always been friendly, jovial and always up for a laugh. All of them have always been great servers and happy to work with our large and small groups. Drinks are always served very fast. Note: Wait staff should be able to tell their guests whether their beef was grass-fed or corn-fed. I blame the suppliers/managers on this one.

Blame it on the Manager

Let start with your sides (for two):

Sautéed Fresh Spinach & Mushrooms: Mushrooms have been sitting out…in fact, the mushroom pictured below in the 10 o’clock position, was old. Like the 60 year-old prostitute, it was definitely left sitting out exposed and NOT used in a regular rotation. C’mon. We’ve all left mushrooms out before, and we all know they shrivel up a little. You just can’t hide that mushroom when you cut it El Grando sizes to serve.

What do old mushrooms look like?

Fresh cut Boardwalk Fries.

Here’s the perfect example of how to tell your fries suck? You automatically serve it with ketchup.

Like your smoking hot girlfriend walking in with almost nothing on…and then force feeding you Viagra.

Have some Viagra...cause you suck

Booya. Instant sign of bad fries.

Definition by wikipedia, the worlds most knowledgable source of real life information, cites French Fries as: thin strips of deep-fried potato. There are variants such as “thick-cut fries”, “steak fries”, “shoestring fries”, “jojo fries”, “crinkle fries”, and “curly fries”. Fries cut thickly with the skin left on are called potato wedges, and fries without the potato skin are called “steak fries”, essentially the American equivalent of the British “chip”.

Maybe your potatoes are from a small town called Boardwalk…

Maybe you forgot peel a few potatoes…

Either way, these are not Boardwalk or Fries. 

Boardwalk Fries...not

And now on to the steak! Entrée marching band, cue the flag twirlers, and start the fireworks.

It was bad.

First off, I consider a steak needing few additions…cause it’s a STEAK! You tout your meat…so be proud of it!

I asked for “medium” and judging by your 1800 degrees farenheit? My suggestion is that you tone that down and cook them for longer as the middle was quite rare raw.

And who can overlook the larger piece of connective tissue that didn’t get broken down? Like a dog with his rawhide, I was gnawing on it for a long while.

Would you like a side of steak with your meal of butter?

And now Captain Obvious, your mantra of “dunking in butter-it will be good” –This is Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse right? Not butter-rama-lama-ding-dong. If you’re trying to be fancy, at LEAST consider clarified butter on the steak. You should show off your crust – not the particulates in your butter. Maybe you should consider calling yourselves “Hyde Park Prime Butterfactory”.

BTW-I call this rare…

Raw...I mean rare

Alas, Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse (national chain) will remain the same and never change.

Drinks only for me please.

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…