Since we were back for a few days, we decided to attempt some homemade pasta.
Please note: We’ve never made our own noodles ever. So this was going to be….er…..fun.
Step-1: clean countertop
Step-2: get a decent sized food processor
Step-3: The use of AP flour (not just for antiquing people)
Step-4: measure exactly
Step-5: mixamixa w/ salt
Step-6: pour in well beaten egg
Step-7: into moist pliable dough ball
Step-8: Rest for 30.
So basically we want semi thin strips like this
Step-9: roll out dough. Clearly a pasta press or hand crank would have been ideal, but after 5 glasses of bourbon, we weren’t thinking clearly.
Step-10: cut into even strips (again, too much bourbon will not help)
Step-11: toss lightly with flour (Note: At this point, we’re on our 8th glass of bourbon).
Step-12: boil water. Throw some salt in it too. No oil (save that for the bedroom).
Step-13: we opted to test the time frame of fresh pasta boiling. From left to right, 1-minute, 2-minutes, 3-minutes, 4-minutes, 5-minutes, 6-minutes, and 7-minutes.
As you can see, our optimal time to boil fresh made pasta is between 3-4 minutes.
Step-14: Everyone in the pool.
Step-15: Make sure water is boiling (duh).
Step-16: stir frequently to get even boil. Then drain in colander
Step-17: get so close that it fogs the camera up (I blame the bourbon).
Step-18: throw into bowl. drizzle w/ olive oil and parmesan.
Step-19: Muncha.
So it wasn’t the best. I think we had too much AP flour. Or we mixed it too long. Or we didn’t let it rest. Or we should have used 00 flour. Let’s be honest, we fucked it up.
Insert 10th glass of bourbon.
Instead of reassessing our situation, and improving it, we drunkenly think it’s better to move toward ravioli.
Steps-1 thru 9 are basically the same as above.
Step-10: strips about the width of your Kate Moss skinny forearm. Place a glob of sautéed meat/veggies apart from each other.
Step-11: lay an equal width of pasta dough on top of initial layer.
Step-12: Cut to separate each ravioli.
Step-13: Crimp the edges w/ a fork. Try to do so without being so drunk. Well….so much for that.
Basically looks like we #forkfucked this poor ravioli. This is where we started our 11th glass of bourbon. Frustrated and more drinking.
Step-14: Lets stuff more into these raviolis. Maybe that will help. Why not? They won’t notice.
Step-15: again #Forkfuck these raviolis too. Sadly, it looked like I tried to do this with a large pitchfork. Sadly, it was just my drunken stupor w/ a dinner fork.
Step-16: boil for 4 minutes.
Step-17: make some kind of butter sauce w/ onions butter, and oregano. Plop it on the lone tester ravioli.
Step-18: get the close up food porn view so that everyone can see how bad these are…
Step-19: get another close up food porn view of the butter sauce.
Step-20: More close up views of the #forkfucked ravioli (clearly in retrospect, I could have used more moisture…but I was drunk and didn’t notice that).
Step-21: drop more into non boiling water (didn’t notice cause I was drunk).
Step-22: Obviously, filler was over cooked, interior cheese wasn’t melted. Lets showcase our ravioli failure with a closeup shot. (12th glass of bourbon).
Well, at least we had Garlic french bread.
So to review this major ROYAL screw up, no homemade pasta from us/by us for a long while. Yuck it up folks-cause. this. was. #fail.
Besides, I have a headache from all the bourbon.
Reporting live from the QuarryLaneFarms homemade pasta #fail blog….
8 comments
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July 13, 2011 at 10:56 am
Susan Rouser
Um…you’ve gotta start somewhere?
July 13, 2011 at 11:13 am
quarrylanefarms
I guess you can liken it to the first time sex right?
Awkward, positionally challenging, forking, kinda seen it on TV, kinda fun but serious…and drunk.
QLF
July 13, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Chris
You need a scale. For measuring flour, not your extracurricular activities.
July 14, 2011 at 8:45 am
quarrylanefarms
Good idea. I guess I’ve heard Alton say the same thing on FN.
Sounds like you’ve done this before.
Maybe we need to pour you a large glass of bourbon!
Thanks
QLF
July 17, 2011 at 4:46 am
kat
That looks so delicious! Can’t wait to try!! I’m new to blogging and love checking out everyone’s foodie blogs here on wordpress. Could you please check out http://shecooksandheeats.wordpress.com/ and provide some feedback on how to gain more exposure? Thanks
July 17, 2011 at 10:25 pm
quarrylanefarms
Yo Kat-Looks like you got a good first start.
Content is king so the more you post, the more stuff you’ll have to attract readership (not that your killer looks wouldn’t attract them).
If you want to meet, let me know.
Thanks for reading our blog….Alohas from Cleveland!
QLF
July 19, 2011 at 11:20 am
Alana
You crack my shit up.
July 19, 2011 at 5:22 pm
quarrylanefarms
Shazam!