Our crew has heard so much about Cropicana this summer…good and bad both.

The "guard shack" at the entrance of Cropicana

So we put on underwear and headed on over to Whiskey Island in Cleveland to spock out Cropicana.

BTW-Parking lot is in gravel…so if you have a tough time navigating, or if you are old, stay home cause you won’t like the parking lot.

Cropicana's parking lot

Menu is hand drawn…though I don’t think it changes very much.

Cropicana's food menu

Fish Tacos – Shredded “cabage”, cilantro lime dressing – 2 for $7

Fish tacos at Cropicana

Heavy like your fat uncle slathering oil on his belly – this cabage cabbage slaw dressing was way to thick. Additionally, in my opinion, these fish sticks were straight from the box Gordon’s Fisherman special.

Like the McNugget shape, I don't know any fish-shaped as such

I hope Gordon didn’t invest in Cropicana.

Fresh...from the frozen food section

Dressing? Didn’t taste much of the cilantro lime dressing…in fact, didn’t taste it at all. I did spy a lime wedge. Or maybe they were referring to the parsley….oops, I mean cilantro on the tacos. Maybe it was deconstructed cilantro lime dressing. Either way, I wouldn’t order again.

Nachos – cheese, fresh salsa, jalapeno, sour cream, add chorizo black beans – $5

Nachos at Cropicana

Good nacho! Melty cheese is one of our favorites. #squirtsquirtsquirt

Just wished the staff at Cropicana didn’t prefer stale chips. All. Chips. Were. Stale.

Smoked pork butt burrito – pineapple salsa, lettuce, jack, cilantro sauce – $7

Just met a burrito that wasn't my friend...

Covered in pineapple salsa, this burrito was difficult to eat. Pork butt well smoked. But needed more salt. Smoke alone isn’t enough for pork butt.

Also-if you intend to be a restie that has outdoors, rest assured your diners is NOT a fork/knife type. This burrito was no one’s friend. Also if you put salsa ON the burrito, it will make the entire outside shell soft and soggy…prone to breaking…causing this to happen.

Blow out central

In order to keep this “together”, I had to cone it. Not happy about that as I had to dedicate one hand to burrito and one to beer. Dude rule-you just can’t mess up your beer.

Please bear in mind that dudes need to keep one hand free at all times:

1. Answer the booty call on our cell phones

2. Randomly adjust our balls

Just gotta adjust...

This burrito was having none of this.

In fact, at this point, Cropicana staff should just call it an open-faced burrito.

Mayday Mayday Mayday - We've got a Burrito-blowout!

So lets talk about the people watching.

I expected to see a few of these.....

NOT!

Reality – lots of outdoor seating, bring your dog or your fat tubby cousin cause there’s more than enough places for both to enjoy the sun.

Just some of the beached whales...

Lots of buckets of beers being had here with superb people watching action…

See, even these seasoned veterans aren't really eating either

…not to mention a plethora of plumbers crack too.

Um.....

There are some covered seating where alot of boring people sat.

Covered seating complete with the old couple on their first date

Cornhole tournament…

Requirements for Cornhole tournament? G-T-L

Not going to lie, my favorite moment there was when I spotted this piece of ass…

I.

Smoker on wheels-1

WANT.

Smoker on wheels-2

IT.

Smoker on wheels-3

I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT – I WANT IT

Ahem.

So to review, Cleveland summers are meant to be outside. Spend it wisely and go for liquid lunches here at Cropicana.

Go to Cropicana for beers and sun…and oogle their smoker.

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms….

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