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After watching TV host Chef Anthony Bourdain talk about cooking bacon naked….I have some advice for all of you: Don’t do it.

Bourdain reminisces about naked bacon making

It may sound like a god sent hangover idea…or still inebriated easy idea…or a post hump good idea…


…but it isn’t.

Here at QuarryLaneFarms, we have tiered a few clothing optional examples to help you (in case you just like being naked). We have also color coded the response (like a stop light) in hopes that you will remember to keep safety in mind.

Green: Safe for operations

Thanks to Marisa Miller and FHM in aiding in our safety message as she hits several personal protective measures here:

1. Gloves to protect her hands. Also note the brite pink color to aid in rapid identification in sudsy water.

2. It is inherent that you get wet working the dishwashing station…so her mesh safety vest provides her breathability with maximum drying surface area.

3. Saving the Earth water by filling the sink for presoak – NOT running the faucet wide open. She’s being green (no pun intended).

Marisa in the green (Pic cred-Cartel Management Inc)

Excellent example of mobility and workstation ease at the dishwashing station!

Yellow: Caution during operations

Marisa, again your safety measures amaze everyone.

1. Notice that Marisa has placed her hot pot on a tea towel to prevent slippage.

2. Marisa has moved the pot of boiling pasta away from the stove.

3. Marisa is using a slotted spoon to drain the pasta away from her body.

Slight caution for a few splashing hot water drops from your pasta pot as you transfer over to your already plated pesto.

Caution with pasta Marisa (Pic cred-Cartel Management Inc)

Thanks for the help Marisa.

I’d eat your…pesto.

Red: Don’t do it – You’ll get hurt.

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

1. She has a spatula in hand…therefore this Chef is frying something. This is dangerous due to splatter factor. Obviously, she’s excited to fry…but she won’t be too excited after her trip to the hospital’s burn center.

2. At least tie your drawstrings on your pants.

3. Stretching at your HOT workstation WHILE cooking is not a good idea. You should stretch pre-shift.

4. Her bellybutton jewelry could get caught in something. Ouch.

Code Red: She's a good idea, but what's frying in the griddle is not a good idea

This one is like Code Bacon – dangerous! Like splatter dangerous.

I’m pretty sure Top Chef Contestant Chef Jennifer Carroll or Food Network’s Giada DeLaurentiis would agree: safety first!

Make good decisions in the kitchen folks!

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms

Last night’s line experiment: Homemade pasta!

Does this make us Italian?

We’re all Italian right? I’d wear this bikini if it helped my pasta making.

Hand-cut Fettuccine

Ravioli ( post #forkfucking ) #newbie #isuck

I’d give a 25% success rate. #Fricka!

It also appears that we possess the knife/fork skills of a patient recovering from chemical dependency with the shakes.

Pasta = Insanity. Hafta try again...

Maybe we need to try again. Maybe.

Thanks to @cherveny and @poiseinparma for the words of encouragement.

Giada-what is the secret!?!?!??!

Never fear, we’ll post the full step by step process later this week (so you can all laugh).

We’re going to Chinatown for some Dim Sum.

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…

Has it really been one year since we started this blog?

Happy Blogoversary!

Blogoversary! uncha-uncha-uncha

We started this blog on February 2nd, 2010: so what better way to recap one year in the blog-o-sphere with a list of my favorite posts, sexy time posts, and of course our favorite food porn.

Most favorite posts:

1. Boeuf Bourguignon and guest Chef Fornication Francois : This is one of my favorite posts because I actually write a character evolution piece using food and Julia Child as the vehicle. Brings me back to my creative writing class in college. I am most proud of this post.

 2. Cantankerous Clams – Cause you’re gonna want to lick the bowl clean : Start to finish, step by step, almost all pictures. Keepin it real yo.

3. What is the best part of a McDonalds cheeseburger? : This post/memory drove me back to childhood…like hanabata days kine. Almost like that moment in Ratatouille where one is thrust back into childhood. The post obv not so much about the actual food itself, but the actions around food that drives us to eat.

4. Iron Chef Cat Cora meets a stoned stager and photographer : My attention to gas station details are second to none.

5. Chef Rick Bayless, as an orphan, were you found on the steps of a church wrapped in a tortilla shell? : Did you just picture Chef Bayless IN a tortilla shell? I did.

Sexy time posts:

1. Top Chef Jennifer Carroll in a bikini, Bacon bikini, Padma licking BBQ sauce sweaty-naked or : The first started out as we mocked another Cleveland blogger. But with the popularity of Top Chef and BravoTV, these two posts seem to be very popular thanks to the bikini pictures, Chef Eric Ripert’s je ne sais quoi, and of course Host Padma Lakshmi licking. Grab a kleenex.

2. Wear your bikini for the 120lbs of pig Happy 4th of July – #oinkfest2010 : Cause our foodie friends are way cool esp since the piggy was so. damn. good. and the hot chicks in bikinis were outstanding. Love America on the 4th of July.

3. Symon Fieri QuarryLaneFarms Brown and DeLaurentiis: All in one place – Cleveland : One picture at the end (thanks HD) makes this post worth visiting. You’ll need a moment.

Food porn:

1. The Best Burger in the world is… : This post is still causing plenty of controversy. Food porn indeed as my vote for the best burger in the world.

2. Gigantic smoked turkey leg…Disneyland style. : Lotsa people with large pieces of meat. Nuff said.

3. @Nomnomtruck – The best banh mi sandwich ever #perfection #hotchick : The detail and close up/macro shots we took of this amazing sandwich is enough to get you a “culinary boner”.

Bonus: B-Y-O-Bacon at Mhenry in Chicago #eggslut : Just look at the last picture post. Happens to me all the time. “Don’t move, I’ll get you a towel…”

Entree the proverbial Bourdain phrase: “So what have we learned?” Well, I can easily say we here at QuarryLaneFarms enjoy our successes/failures of cooking, writing, photography, and of course eating. Our belief remains: Sharing your food is really sharing your soul, your thoughts, your imagination, and most importantly, the history of your family.

Thank you to all of our readers.

Special thanks to Joolie, Snoozie, Curtis, Giner, Sneakerhead, KHWattz, Ms. Veggie, Mr. Drenalin and of course all of our families. We’d be lost without you.

A wise friend said to me, “Keep drinking cause it gets better!”


Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…

FoodBuzz Featured Publisher


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