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Has it really been one year since we started this blog?

Happy Blogoversary!

Blogoversary! uncha-uncha-uncha

We started this blog on February 2nd, 2010: so what better way to recap one year in the blog-o-sphere with a list of my favorite posts, sexy time posts, and of course our favorite food porn.

Most favorite posts:

1. Boeuf Bourguignon and guest Chef Fornication Francois : This is one of my favorite posts because I actually write a character evolution piece using food and Julia Child as the vehicle. Brings me back to my creative writing class in college. I am most proud of this post.

 2. Cantankerous Clams – Cause you’re gonna want to lick the bowl clean : Start to finish, step by step, almost all pictures. Keepin it real yo.

3. What is the best part of a McDonalds cheeseburger? : This post/memory drove me back to childhood…like hanabata days kine. Almost like that moment in Ratatouille where one is thrust back into childhood. The post obv not so much about the actual food itself, but the actions around food that drives us to eat.

4. Iron Chef Cat Cora meets a stoned stager and photographer : My attention to gas station details are second to none.

5. Chef Rick Bayless, as an orphan, were you found on the steps of a church wrapped in a tortilla shell? : Did you just picture Chef Bayless IN a tortilla shell? I did.

Sexy time posts:

1. Top Chef Jennifer Carroll in a bikini, Bacon bikini, Padma licking BBQ sauce sweaty-naked or https://quarrylanefarms.wordpress.com/2011/01/16/beach-fufu-drink-top-chef-boobs-thanks-chefjencarroll-damn-you-ericripert-caymancookout/ : The first started out as we mocked another Cleveland blogger. But with the popularity of Top Chef and BravoTV, these two posts seem to be very popular thanks to the bikini pictures, Chef Eric Ripert’s je ne sais quoi, and of course Host Padma Lakshmi licking. Grab a kleenex.

2. Wear your bikini for the 120lbs of pig Happy 4th of July – #oinkfest2010 : Cause our foodie friends are way cool esp since the piggy was so. damn. good. and the hot chicks in bikinis were outstanding. Love America on the 4th of July.

3. Symon Fieri QuarryLaneFarms Brown and DeLaurentiis: All in one place – Cleveland : One picture at the end (thanks HD) makes this post worth visiting. You’ll need a moment.

Food porn:



1. The Best Burger in the world is… : This post is still causing plenty of controversy. Food porn indeed as my vote for the best burger in the world.

2. Gigantic smoked turkey leg…Disneyland style. : Lotsa people with large pieces of meat. Nuff said.

3. @Nomnomtruck – The best banh mi sandwich ever #perfection #hotchick : The detail and close up/macro shots we took of this amazing sandwich is enough to get you a “culinary boner”.

Bonus: B-Y-O-Bacon at Mhenry in Chicago #eggslut : Just look at the last picture post. Happens to me all the time. “Don’t move, I’ll get you a towel…”

Entree the proverbial Bourdain phrase: “So what have we learned?” Well, I can easily say we here at QuarryLaneFarms enjoy our successes/failures of cooking, writing, photography, and of course eating. Our belief remains: Sharing your food is really sharing your soul, your thoughts, your imagination, and most importantly, the history of your family.

Thank you to all of our readers.

Special thanks to Joolie, Snoozie, Curtis, Giner, Sneakerhead, KHWattz, Ms. Veggie, Mr. Drenalin and of course all of our families. We’d be lost without you.

A wise friend said to me, “Keep drinking cause it gets better!”

Wilco

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…

So the staff on Saturday pushed me to make the now famous recipe Boeuf Bourguignon.

Why is Streep on the cover?

Not quite sure if the Boeuf Bourguignon is famous because of Julia Child or Julie (from that movie Julie and Julia). I hope to the new generations of chefs and foodies that Julia Child was the real deal. In fact, my line chefs were talking about how they used to watch Julia on TV and how entertaning she was. Definitely deserves more credit than some of the schmucks on TV these days.

But apparently, the Boeuf Bourguignon is a complex dish that can cause your dishwasher to slash your tires. See here, French dishes often require mis en place out the wazooo…which I am OK with (right Alton? “organization will set you free”).

So lets break it down for those who need to see the handy work.

Step-1: I browned the meat. Check

Browned meat

Step-2: As you can see, it wasnt’ cooked all the way through. There was some red in the meat.

Yes, you can see red

Step-3: Throw some carrots and onions in the pot to melt…bringing all the savory flavors together.

Mis en place in.

Step-4: after mis en place melted, place Boeuf back in the pot w/ all the juices.

Bring your meat back in

Step-5: Now tomato paste, red wine, herbs….basically everyone to the pool!

Everyone in!

Step-6: Simmer for 1.5 hours. Ahem (insert my opinion here-not part of recipe) Seriously?  1.5 hours? It takes me 30 seconds to brush my teeth, 4 minutes to shower, and 60 seconds for a #2. What angry Frenchman is going to wait 1.5 hours?!? Alright, I’ll have some burbon to pass the time.

Simmer 1.5 hours?

Step-7: Mix around frequently (which to me is every 30 minutes). Why yes, I’ll have my 4th glass of burbon please…yes neat.

simmer more

Step-8: Check and simmer again for another 1.5 hours…aka another burbon please.

Step-9: Now that you are fuzzy and swaying, take your camera and take REALLY close pictures of the food. Check.

sautee vegis to add

Step-10: Mistakenly add 4 times the amount of butter to the vegis that have been sauteed. Pearl onions, quartered mushrooms, and carrots. Oui.

sautee action

Step-11: Exclaim wildly that the butter was a mistake. Say out loud, “Oh la la! Impossible!” and flail your arms wildly like a Frenchman. Quickly mix the butter in before someone notices.

Step-12: Mutter incomprehensible French words like “La salle de bain” and “liberte frites” while taking a long drag from your cigarette in the dark corner. Your arms crossed in a French disdain for life as you remember your childhood in the old country when life was tres simple. Crusty bread and stinky cheeses mean nothing to you now that snotty Whole Foods suburbanites can get this stuff every day. A long breath in and a sigh of better times when your croissants could only be found at la patisserie…not from “Burger King”.

Step-13: Straighten your beret.

Step-14: Realize that you may have had too much burbon which could affect service to the patrons.

Step-15: Secretly look around the kitchen. Maybe no one has noticed your awkward swaying from side to side. Quickly shout out “Viva la France!” to cover your inebriation.

Step-16: Sway side to side as you hum your new favorite song “Les Poissons” by that French Chef who you once met at at le cafe.

Zut alors! I have missed one!

Step-17: Mix the sautee and Boeuf together and slop on place covering more than half the plate. C’est brun oui?

Step-18: Scoop small spoonful of English peas on plate for color and fill the vegi requirement. Mutter something mean about those English chaps.

Bouef Bourguignon from QuarryLaneFarms

Step-19: Adjust your French scarf around your neck.

Step-19: Service to your patrons.

Step-20: Start to hate deoderant.

Step-21: Give dirty Frenchman looks to the female waitresses. Make them feel dirty…Frenchman dirty. Stroke your pencil thin stash that you grew in the last 20 minutes and ponder a name change to “Fornication Francois”. Oh la la.

Step-22: Get into your Pleugot (2 french baguettes in the back seat) and beep your horn twice as you ride away into the night shouting “Au revoir!”.

Merci Madame Julia-

J’adore la livre. Je bu le vin et je suis tres joyeaux. C’est magnificent Boeuff Bourguignon! Tres simple oui?

Sincerement-

Chef Fornication Francois

livre - How the book should look. Thanks Julia

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