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W-T-Falafel is this?

Stopped by Whole Foods for a quick bite. Feeling a little subterranean Mediterranean  so I quickly grabbed this lunch box.

heh heh….I said box.

Falafel Wrap Lunch Box – $6.99

Falafel Wrap Lunch Box

Definitely heavy for its size. Upon opening said lunch box,  I found this mess.

The mess in my lunch box

Weird and goopy-this can’t be typical right?

The spinach was fairly crisp, but the tomatoes were a bit…well mushy, not good.

Additionally, whomever prepared this hates salt. Bland and tasteless…just like your mom.

I almost felt it was more like Ethiopian food where one would use the three finger poi method to sling it in your mouth. No fork needed.

Soggy Sally indeed!

Wrap was soggy. Not cool.

This was by far the worst lunch box I’d ever eaten.

Speaking of the worst lunch box…

The worst…um….

I just threw up in my mouth.

Hope your Tuesday was better than mine.

Reporting from QuarryLaneFarms…

Last night, I dreamed of all things local. Not like 4-Loco, but Hawaiian food local. In particular…Lau lau.

For the record, we do not dream about poi

Humongous large softball sized lau lau…made by the family and our Christmas traditions.

Ingredients? Obviously large chunks of pork, salted butterfish or salmon (we prefer butterfish), more pork fat, luau stems, wrapping of 6 luau leaves, and double wrapped in 2-3 ti leaves. That’s it-easy kine. Look closely, the salted salmon has melted away and the pieces are so damn tender.

Melt in your mouth lau lau

Fo reals brah.

In a Hawaiian food haze…

Yours Truly has been a standard local chain restaurant with such great foods as a Monte Cristo, Not-so Fries, and other regional favorites. 

Last night, I made a mistake and had their September special of “BONELESS Buffalo Wings”. Blah. 

“Buffalo wing style, sliced and uniquely marinated chicken breast, served with our homemade gorgonzola dressing and crunch celery sticks.” Extra blah. 

"BONELESS" Buffalo Wings


Dear Yours Truly, be glad that September is ending as this was terrible “special”. 

Problem-1: They look like aardvark testicles. I say that because Yours Truly call these things “wings”. WTF are they? Even a Chicken McNugget looks more like a wing compared to these. 

Problem-2: They are burnt (ie the carbon black pieces that dot the outside of these “sliced” pieces). And since you are saucing drenching these in sauce, you probably ought to say “burnt and drenched in mediocre dish wing sauce”. If Foghorn Leghorn had bloody bowel movement…this is what it would look like. 

bloody stools...


Problem-3: These tasted bland and dry. Breasts are juicy. 

dry mushy "chicken"


Problem-4: They were extremely mushy. Hell, I’ve had poi or nato with more body tha this piece of chicken. 

If the intent was to “uniquely” marinate the pieces, then you’ve accomplished it – it tastes uniquely like my marinated testicles.#ballz. 

worthless breading


Problem-5: The breading. It has as much chance as a pregnant nun. It was soggy and didn’t stay on. Basically like a 8 day old scab, it “uniquely” just sloshed off. Eewwwww. 

Homemade gorgonzola dressing? Just because you add a few chunks of gorgonzola cheese to ranch dressing doesn’t make it “gorgonzola dressing”. 

Thank god you didn’t screw up the celery sticks. Did you really need to put “crunchy”? C’mon-who serves soft celery sticks? 

I will continue to stick with the safety net of my Monte Cristo. 

Your safe bet at Yours Truly - Monte Cristo


In a town packed of Foodies, superb restaurants and world-renowned Chefs/authors/writers/bloggers, you should be ashamed to serve this. 

Dear Yours Truly: You’re on probation for bad chicken. 

Bad chicken thanks to Yours Truly


Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms

FoodBuzz Featured Publisher


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