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Dear Chef Eric Ripert (@ericripert)-

Apparently my invitation to the 2012 Cayman Cookout was lost in the mail…again. In hopes to better my chances for 2013, I present to you the following:

1. I was the first one who retweeted your favorite picture from yesterday.

#Sexytime = @NoReservations

2. @OttaviaBourdain tweeted and said she liked our post about her (check her out!).

Ottavia Bourdain - I'd hit that - HAWT (Photo court Splash)

3. Oui, J’adore le poisson homme Justo Thomas.

Worth his weight in gold

So… I’ll be waiting for the invitation for 2013.

If needed, I'll gladly do some truffle shuffles for entertainment

I got my board shorts and aloha shirt ready.

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…

Since Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen Top Chef All-Stars reunion was Wednesday night, I decided to break the post into four parts. This will allow you to equally pee your pants for the next four days. If you haven’t watched it yet, do it now.

This is Part 2 of 4 (Part 1 of 4 here).

Antonia and her tarp-like underwear

Top Chef contestant Antonia Lofaso is a fashion disaster. Unless its cool to show your bra strap (hello Britney Spears) – I don’t think BravoTV wanted you to represent.

Antonia's outfit purchased at Dumpy McGees Department Store

Several occasions the camera panned to see your tarp-like off white underwear frothing peeking out from your pants. Woof! If you’re gonna show some sexy time, at least make it worth a glance.

One piece = bad news

Now I’m not saying that you have to be the sexiest Chef to win…

Not hot....

…but at least keep your dumpy mommy bra and granny panties tucked in.

Chef Antonia knawing on a...piece of meat...er....bone

If you as me – In or out? I’m out.

Hanging with Fabio-except on Halloween

This dude needs to dial it down a notch….or notche. He’s making my seducing man skills look bad.

Yeah, he's my fan favorite (not big bird)

As a dude, I’d hang with him. Seems to be fun and we could get him to do all kinds of crazy things.

And of course, all….all….I mean ALL the women love him.

Damn you Fabio!

Yep-I’d hang with Fabio. Honestly, I’d probably end up getting alot of the fugly tag-along friends, but hey-he seems like a good dude.

What the.....

Except on Halloween.

oh god....brrruurufsfsldjfhwkerjhqew

I just threw up in my mouth.

Pansy Jamie Lauren hates children

Why do you not enjoy children? Are you evil? Or is it because you’re the same height as every child?

Jamie's view of all children

Stitches? You are a pansy.

I’ve had three stitches and I went directly back to work and I didn’t need a lollypop.

NO SOUP FOR YOU.

Wuss out

You are not a Top Chef.

Fan favorite Carla is really Big Bird

Congrats on the Fan Favorite vote.

Carla = Big Bird

There I said it.

Big Bird = Carla

No kidding huh? I know you agree.

Hootie………………………….

Part-3 tomorrow….aka Riperts breasts.

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…

It’s the year of the Rabbit!

Kung Hee Fat Choy - Year of the Rabbit

So in honor of the new year, we wanted to bring you….well…um…err…rabbit!

Little bunny Fufu hopping through the forrest...

Heh heh heh…Feast your eyes on the best rabbit I’ve ever had!

Rabbit Paillard with baby arugula orange fennel, olives, whole grain mustard sauce

This perfectly prepared hoppity hop hop was perfectly crusted G-B-Dee-frickin-licious. Lightly dressed arugula gracing the top with random slices of orange provided wifs of citrus – honestly, this entree is pure perfection. The peaceful whole grain mustard sauce base was rich and beautiful.

Now, I realize that I lured you in with Chinese New Year stuff and truth be told, the term “paillard” is a French technique that uses thinly sliced meats in fast cooking. Too bad. Life sucks and things change.

Hold up...We got a Situation!

Repeat after me, “Rabbit Paillard with baby arugula orange fennel, olives, whole grain mustard sauce…”

The best rabbit I’ve ever had….period.

Served by #sexy Top Chef Contestant Jennifer Carroll (@ChefJenCarroll).

Miss Hotness herself - Chef Jennifer Carroll

So if you haven’t gone, you should go: 10 Arts by Eric Ripert with Chef de Cuisine Jennifer Carroll in Philadelphia, PA.

BTW-Save yourself the agony and get a double order of warm pretzls too.

See ya MoFos!

Oh, how is Chef Carroll IRL? Scary…like kitchen is quiet…no one talks except for her….like change your Underoos scary. But that’s another story.

Reporting live from QuarryLaneFarms…

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